Why You Should Take Keeping Records of Humour Seriously

 

When I attended a stand-up comedy course run by Amused Moose in London, I discovered that to get a spot at a top free mic (microphone spot) at a to comedy club, you had to privide evidence that you had already peformed on 50 occasions (albeit for free) at open mic events at pubs and other places.

How many had I done? How many have I done now? How many have you done? If you haven't done any yet, as soon as you do, start making a list. 

You need it for all sorts of purposes. To list only a few:

To show the tax man that although you have been working for six months all the events were unpaid.

To prove to the 'bank of mum and dad' that it is worthwhile giving you free board and lodging or a rent allowance.

To motivate yourself and cheer yourself up.

To get a clear idea of how often you can perform and what you would earn if you were paid each time.

When I was writing travel articles I found that I was producing one article a month. That sounds very little. I would spend one week researching destinations, hotels, museums, scenery, history, booking flights, coaches or cars, tours, restaurant meals, meetings with PRs. I would spend another week on travelling. A further week on writing my story, liaising with the magazine, the accounts department, thanking hosts and helper. 

Then a week off. Or attending travel converences and PR events and catching up with friends and household bills. When I managed to up the output to  four articles a week, I was working from dawn to midnight. Also teaching in the daytime to have instant income from one hour lessons, because the money from magazines came in up to six months later. 

Sometimes an article sent off in the autumn would be kept until the publications big spring supplement on holidays. If the editor changed, an article might not appear. 

For Northern Echo newspaper, the day before they sent the article off to the printer, I would phone every phone number to check the restaurants and hotels were still in business.

If only I could get an agent to sell my work overseas, in the USA or South Africa or Australia. Originally when I had worked for British magazines published by the big companies, they would send a cheque which had printed on the back that the money was for all rights worldwide and would only be cashed if I had signed agreeing this on the back of the cheque.

I dreamed of having an agent. One day a stranger, or slight acquaintance, phone and said he was calling round American editors and could sell articles for me if I was willing, payment, if any, not yet known. But at least it would be a breakthrough into the overseas market. Even if I wrote one article for free for each of three publications, I/he/we could then seek a series of paid articles.

My biggest checking coup, unintended, was fwhen this person who claimed to be working as an agent and wanted an aticle for a US publication on Hadrian's Wall.

Had I visited Hadrian's Wall? Yes, but not since five years ago. Normally as a travel writer I would write about a place I had just visited. to write about a place you had not visited, or not visited recently, was no joy and bordering on fraud. Why would you? You approached an editor with a series of articles on places you had visited, lived nearby, or were about to visit.

I had photos of Hadrian's wall, all captioned. I was amazed to find on the bottom shelf of the hall study a shoe box with ten year's of notebooks. One, with the date on the cover, was the year I had visited Hadrian's Wall.

The Wall had stood for hundreds of years. It had not changed. Hadrian's history was recorded. The only things which could change were the opening times of the adjacent museum (seasonal, plus inceasing with more tourists, or shorter hours if the attraction became less popular, and the cost of entry, rising with inflation and facilities offered,

I phoned up the PR. She was good enough to listen for half an hour whilst I read every sentence of my 500 word piece. She checked every time and price for me. I sent her the photos and she checked whether what I had photographed was from Vindolanda or another site further along the wall. After two days of work from both of us, I had an accurate and up to date account of what to see at Hadrain's Wall.

Unfortunately, my article was never pubished, or never published under my name. later I heard from another aggrieved writer that they had suffered a similar experience and, like me, had quickly moved on from that agent, or later away from journalism, to other paid work.

The moral of the story is that because of my meticulous labelling of the photos and storing of the notebooks in date order, I was able to quickly locate the time and place of my visit, and update it accurately. 

Now, you may be thinking, this is about taxation, and beginners, but how will it help me write my comedy sketch. I shall tell you.

You can turn every failure, every tiresome event, every common event, every uncommon event, into comedy.

Comedy From Real Life

Now, how would that experience as the unpaid freelance relate to my life as a stand up comic or comedienne later? I could make a whole comedy sketch about being a freelance. How I tried to pay my bills using the excuses the magazine accounting departments gave me.

I could elaboarate on how I went to the supermarket and tried to gldet credit on the grounds that I had written an article which would be published in six months time. Also that I was a famous author - in my field. 

I could try this line out trying to credit from assorted assistants at the supermarket. Let's have three to four assistants. They each replied in different accents, the first uncompehending. 'I no understand. Egg price 2 dollars." The second is impatient and annoyed, "Ma'am. I got problems of my own. You are holding up queue. Egg price is two dollars.' The third and last is sypathetic, 'Oh, you poor dear. I had the same problem. that's why I am working here in the supermarket.' But the punchline is always the same, 'Let's have coffee togther later, darling, if you can afford it. The eggs will cost you two dollars.' (the current price of a box of eggs).

You have to put this together with an imaginary phone to the editor or agent, using yourthumb and little finger in the air, or a toy phone, or old mobile phone. Then the hats, or facial expressions for the assistants, the first one open mouthed, the second frowning, aggrssive, the third smiling sympathetically. 

Let us make a list of the comedy sessions I have performed. What about you? Probably more than you thought. 

You can attend Toastmasters International meetings worlwide as a guest. You are likely to get one, two or three, four opportunities to speak:

1 Please introduce yourself. (Me: Sorry, I was busy eating a boiled egg. What do you want to know?)

What is your name? (Can you make a joke about mispronunciations of your name, people who think you are the opposite sex, confuse you with somebody else?)

Which country are you from? (Can you tell a joke about your country? There are plenty of old jokes, many no longer politically correct, all of which will be tiresome to the elderly, but fresh to students, teenagers, and schoolchildren. For example:

I am British. English. (My answer: I speak two languages, English and louder English.)

Which part of England/London are you from? (Hill view. Please not the pronounciation and spelling. Not to be confused with Mill view. Or Ill view. I always live in Hillview all over the world. Every city has at least three. It saves reprinting business cards.)

Which club are you from - or are you a visitor? (I am from BHA. It really stands for Braddell Heights Advanced but nobody can remember that so we call it, Bloody Hyped-Up Asses. Can you rmember that?)

Would you like to join our club? (Yes, if you will cook dinner for my husband, to give me the time, and sell my house so I can raise the money, I'd love to join your club. Seriously, I would love to attend as a visitor, for free, and repay you by being Grammarian, and tell you how all your grammar is wrong. Is that a fair exchange?) 

I have just finished the Toastmasters Pathways and had to give the club a record of the date of each project, the club, the title of the speech. I added the evaluator, or club president, in case the meticulous VPE (Vice President of Education, who verifies the awards) wants to check one or all of my records.)

To sum up, keep a record of your day, for tax, your biography, your CV ((UK, Latin for curriculum vitae, or list of life, US and Singapore and elsewhere resumee, which is a French word). Turn every incident, humdrum or out of the ordinary into a comic scene. This will cheer you up when you think you have done nothing or had a hard day. You can finish with a laugh, and practise for your comedy speeches or turns.

Useful Websites

Toastmasters international find a club

Facebook BHA

Linked in Toastmasters international

About the Author

Angela Lansbury, travel writer and photographer, aspiring polyglot, stand up comedienne, and English Language and Public Speaking Workshop trainer.