HOW TO BE FUNNY AND ADD HUMOUR

If you can't think of anything funny, quote a famous person. Quote them long enough, and you'll get the hang of it. Mostly you reverse an idea. Alphabetically by surname A JOHN ADAMS, PRESIDENT, USA ”In my many years I have come to a conclusion that one useless man is a shame, two is a law firm, and three or more is a congress.” JANE AUSTEN It is a truth universally acknowledged that a man in possession of a fortune must be in want of a wife. B LUCILLE BALL You see much more of your children once they leave home. VICTOR BORGE (Danish Comedian.) Santa has the right idea. Visit people only once a year. CHARLOTTE BRONTE The only difference between me and a madman is that I am not mad. C JIMMY CARTER, US PRESIDENT My esteem in this country has gone up substantially. Now, when people wave at me, they use all their fingers. DALE CARNEGIE Today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday. Charlie Chaplin. Wikimedia. Photo author P D Jankens. C ...

Sources of good, humorous quotations are: American Presidents, Winston Churchill, Mark Twain, Mae West, and Oscar Wilde. I have rewritten them colloquially, as I would say them. A Quotations on America Oscar Wilde, arriving in the USA, asked if he had anything to declare, replied, I have nothing to declare except my genius. Quotations on Apologies Bernard Shaw sent tickets to the first night of his play, to Winston Churchill. Churchill replied: Sorry I cannot attend your first night. I will attend the second night, if you have one. B Quotation on Berlin John F Kennedy tried to use German in his speech in Berlin, Germany. He said Ich bin Ein Berliner. A Berliner is a type of sausage, like saying, in Hamburg, I am a Hamburger. Quotations on Books Your book made me laugh and laugh. When I have time I shall open it and read it. (Groucho Marx.) C Quotations on Clubs I will not join any club which would have me as a member. (Groucho Marx.) D Quotations u...